Saying no... To your "shoulds"
- Jan 15
- 2 min read
I'm very good at pushing and challenging myself to do things even when it's hard or scary or I don't feel motivated. Probably it's an inherent trait but also something I honed during my teens when I practiced the flute and the piano every day of my life, even on holiday, even when tired, even when I didn't want to.
So sometimes it's hard to spot when actually I shouldn't do something. That pushing myself to do it is not the right choice for me at that moment .
For example, I love diving and seeing all manner of sea life but I have only done about 20 dives and I'm not that confident. On a recent family holiday there was the opportunity to go diving. I felt like I "should" go because I don't get many chances to do it but I also felt scared.
When I really explored those feelings (with the help of my experienced diver husband!) they were all aligned with the diving conditions there (windy, strong current, low visibility, large group sizes).
On paper it seems like an obvious one to say no to but the "should" was still so loud in my head!
☝ "You should make the most of the opportunity!"
☝ "It'll be a good challenge!"
☝ "You'll only improve by diving in challenging conditions!" etc.
But when I allowed myself to recognise my fears as valid and allowed them to guide me, I finally said no to diving that day. I felt so much relief, my whole body relaxed and the tension slid away. I then booked a massage instead which made it even better!
I guess it reminds me that my strength of always challenging and pushing myself, can also be a weakness. That I need to balance it with listening to myself and noticing what I actually need and want in that moment, not what I think I "should" do.
Hope this resonates with some of you. Maybe it helps you think about how you might overplay some of your strengths, or reflect on the unhelpful "shoulds" that you're being guided by? Or maybe it inspires you to go diving?! 🐠
Either way, a chance to check in with yourself at the start of this year - what do you genuinely want and need from 2026? And which "shoulds" can you let go of?
💡 If you want to explore more of your "shoulds" and get better acquainted with the many inner voices that try to guide you, then get in touch. I love coaching people to explore all parts of themselves so they can make better decisions for themselves and their lives.
I liked this post about saying no to your 'shoulds' because it felt honest and showed that learning to set boundaries matters more than just doing everything people expect. While reading it, I thought of a week when school pressure was heavy and I struggled to keep up with tests, and I seriously wondered if someone could do my online exam for me so I could breathe. That time taught me that focusing on one thing and asking for support in the right way helps me stay grounded.
I read the post about saying no to your “shoulds”, and it really made me think about how much pressure comes from the things we think we have to do instead of what feels right for us. During a heavy term, I honestly felt like i need someone to take my online course just to catch up when everything piled up all at once. That moment taught me that setting boundaries matters